I’m an old-fashioned, hopeless romantic. I get
teary-eyed watching Hallmark movies, I swoon at the descriptions of Jane Austen’s
heroes; I read and write historical romance novels.
What do women want in a man? Strength, self-confidence,
masculinity, and courage. Women do not want shy, wimpy, weak, timid, fearful,
tentative men. While our American society has been pushing women to be more
confident, courageous, and self-promoting, it seems that many men have gone the
opposite direction. Most men today (my husband Pete excluded) are not the manly
heroes of literature or of history. Where are the Bravehearts, Robin Hoods, and
King Davids of today?
You know what I like about my husband? He’s the perfect
blend of classic athletic jock and educated intellectual. He plays football. He’s
a tough, hardy outdoorsman. He whitewater rafts. He hunts and fishes. He puts
food on the table—literally (and it’s delicious and organic to boot). He’s self-assured
and commanding, admittedly to the point of arrogance at times. He suffers no
lack of self-esteem, yet he is spiritually mature, humble, caring and gracious.
He knows what he wants in life and he goes for it. He is well aware of his strengths
and is successful in nearly everything he attempts. He exudes confidence and,
as a natural-born leader, others feel safer, relaxed, and sure of themselves with
him in charge. He has a positive attitude. He’s kind, forgiving, encouraging,
and uplifting in his speech and behavior.
When Pete and I were first getting to know each other, I was
floored by his direct approach. He had been burned in a past relationship, yet God
and time had healed him. After only a few minutes of meeting in person and an
hour talking on the phone, he was forward and candid in asking me out. I never
had to wonder if he liked me. He could care less about rejection and stated
that, if I said no to him, he would continue to pursue me for a short time—not stalk
me or be overly pushy—but not give up on me so easily. He then told me I was “worth
the pursuit.” I think any woman hearing these words would be weak in the knees.
Needless to say, I gave him a chance—and another and another.
Can you see why I was drawn to my husband? One of the most
attractive things about Pete was and is his courage. He was unafraid of
rejection—unafraid of potential hurt and pain. He was not timid or tentative in
his approach. If I had rejected his advances, I’m sure it would not have
bothered him. A man can be relatively plain looking, but if he is self-assured,
brave, humble, and polite he will appear more attractive to women. Women swoon
over such men. A woman pursued by such a man feels desirable and beautiful,
worthy of love and affection.
If I have not been clear, let me now put it bluntly: Most men
today are wimps. They’re so worried about getting their feelings hurt, they don’t
ask girls on dates; they don’t ask women to marry them. Instead, they wait for
the girl to make the first move. This is unnatural and frustrating. Our society
pushes women into this role, but most of us do not want it. When a woman has to
ask a guy out, she’s getting a man that is already less than her ideal. She’s
having to be the chaser when, in her dreams and in her very soul, she longs to
be the one pursued; to feel irresistible. Being desired makes a woman feel
alive, beautiful, worthy of love and affection—and it must not end with the
wedding. To keep a marriage growing and healthy, you have to keep on courting
and wooing your wife, giving her gifts, giving her flowers, doing kind things
for her, taking her out on dates, repairing things around the house. All these
things make a woman feel wanted, loved, and cared for.
So, in conclusion, I’m shouting this clarion call to all
men: Set aside your fears of rejection, hurt and pain. Stop being a wimp. Man
up, be bold, be courageous and get all the love and happiness you want and deserve
in life.
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