What does it mean when she does that?

I never would have considered myself an expert, but since becoming an "advice expert" on wizpert.com, I'm enjoying the opportunity to help others whenever I can.

I find it surprising that men come to me for advice. Men are surrounded by women who would gladly share their wisdom. Men know they need to hear things from a woman’s perspective, but what I don’t understand is why a man doesn’t just ask his very own partner for her perspective. She’d be happy to share how she feels. Sharing feelings is one of the things women do best, so if you’re a guy wanting to know how your wife or girlfriend feels or what she wants, you have to talk to her—and texting does not count as talking. (Don’t even get me started on text-dating; I’ll save that for another blog.)

 

The biggest question men ask me seems to be: “What does it mean when she says or does this or that?

I will probably add more to this list in the future, but here’s advice on two different scenarios:

1.       What does it mean when she talks to me or texts me? When a girl initiates anything with you, whether texting, calling, dating, getting together for dinner or coffee, going to church/synagogue/youth group/college group, etc., it usually means she likes you—or at least thinks she likes you and wants to get to know you better. It’s possible she’s an outgoing, people-person who just want to be friends, but she might want to see if there’s a possibility of being more than friends. If you take her up on any offers, you’ll find out if she’s just being nice or if she wants more than friendship. Pay attention to how she treats others. Does she treat everyone the same way or does it look like she’s giving you extra special attention? If you decide to follow up with her, it gives her the opportunity to decide if you’re friendship quality or possibly husband-worthy material. Stop wondering and reciprocate in some way.

2.       What does it mean when she doesn’t want to communicate with me anymore? When a girl (or her friends and family) tell you to stop calling, texting, and visiting her, you must stop. I know your heart is crushed, but it’s clear to me that you did or said something so monumentally hurtful to her that she has chosen to cut off all communication and contact with you. You might be obsessing with wanting to apologize and set things straight, but it’s too late. If you’re wondering what you did or said to hurt her, first try searching your own heart; then try asking one of your friends. If you still can’t figure it out, try asking one of her friends. Remember, unless you’re married and trying to repair your marriage, it’s over for you both. Soul-searching and apologizing will not get her back, but it will help you to see the error of your ways and not repeat the same mistake(s) in the future. If you leave her completely and totally alone, she may come back to you, but you have to leave that up to her. If this is your marriage, you still have to back off, let her go, and give her time and space to heal. Fighting for your marriage doesn’t mean invading her privacy, bugging her incessantly, or stalking her. Other counselors may give you different advice, but I think the best chance you have of saving your marriage is to leave her completely alone and let her reach out to you when and if she’s ready.