Communication…
You hear this all the
time, but communication seems to be lacking in relationships these days—and
it’s not just because of computers, the internet and texting. I have been
hearing about the communication deficit in relationships for decades—even
before the invention of the internet and texting.
It’s not always that
there’s a lack of communication, though. There’s also a lot of
miscommunication. Women read way too much into what a guy says or how he
behaves and men don’t read enough; they miss a lot of cues. It’s rather funny
from my perspective, but not at all funny to you, my readers, so I am taking
you seriously. (It’s just a little bit humorous that God made men and women so
different in this communication area.)
Many of you ask me,
“How do I talk to him?” or “How do I talk to her?” You don’t know what to say,
you don’t know how to break the ice; you don’t know how to initiate a
conversation.
Here are 3 tidbits of
advice:
1)
My number one piece of advice to women: SMILE! I always wondered
why I had a lot of guys asking me out in my twenties before I got married. It’s
certainly not because I was so beautiful; I was pretty, but not in any extraordinary
way. My husband says it’s because I smile a lot—even at other men. He says my
smile alone made me pretty. I think he’s right. I am a little more careful
about smiling at other men now that I’m married, but I have noticed that women
don’t often smile at men. Maybe it’s because they don’t want guys to think
they’re too forward. When a woman smiles at a guy it makes him feel special,
because it’s so rare. A smile from a woman puts a guy at ease. It makes the
woman more approachable. It gives a man the courage he needs to initiate a
conversation and ask a girl out on a date. (A man smiling at a woman is not
such a rarity, but it’s always nice and it certainly makes a man appear more
attractive, so men should smile, as well!)
2)
My second piece of advice to men and women: REMOVE DISTRACTIONS. Whether you’re just getting to know someone or you’ve been dating or
married to a person for a long time, focus on your partner. Stop texting! Put
your phone somewhere you can’t see or hear it. Turn it off. Go someplace where
noise, games, television shows, etc. can’t interrupt any possibility of a true,
heartfelt, verbal conversation.
Making no effort to remove distractions is rude. It shows that other things are
more important than your partner.
3)
My third piece of advice to men and women: ASK QUESTIONS. Don’t bombard people, but you can usually get a conversation rolling by
being inquisitive and getting others to open up and talk to you. This goes for
just getting to know someone for the first time or for couples married for a
dozen years or more. My husband often asks me, “What do you think God been teaching
you lately?” or “What are you excited about these days?” Whatever the topic, it
only takes one or two questions to start. Be curious. It shows that you care. Find
out what he likes, dislikes, how she feels about things, what common interests
the two of you have. We all want to be with someone who genuinely wants to know
more about us personally. In fact, our very souls crave being deeply known and
accepted. So, if you want to get to know someone better, ask questions,
remember their answers, look them in the eyes (Stop texting!), nod once in
awhile and say things like, “Hm” or “Wow” or “Nice” to show you are really
interested. And keep asking questions as the conversation progresses.
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